A world that's filled with make-believe

Reckless and weary

The truth has been buried

Held down by the hand

That refuses to carry

The burden you built

The lies, do you hear me?

The insult, the white flag

You refuse to carry

I'm letting you go

And all that you showed me

I'm letting you know

That you don't control me

The feeling is cold

And life is unfolding

Reckless and weary

I'm desperately holding on

So if you can't get a word in

Its because I don't care what you think

Don't be alone inside

A world that's filled with make-believe

Broke! Inside

This life, you can never be reborn within

I came this far erase my scars

Fight! This time

Inside, take a break from the lie you live

I came this far erase my scars

Find my control

Find reasons to beat this

Find truth below

The lies and the wreckage

I can't let go

I'm too close, too restless

I'm letting you know

I'm far too aggressive

So if you can't get a word in

Its because I don't care what you think

Don't be alone inside

A world that's filled with make-believe

Broke! Inside

This life, you can never be reborn within

I came this far erase my scars

Fight! This time

Inside, take a break from the lie you live

I came this far erase my scars

Five years ago

My life was affected

By years of hope and learning life lessons

You let me know

By leaving me helpless

What then was unknown is now unprotected

Im so!

Broke! Inside

This life, you can never be reborn within

I came this far erase my scars

Fight! This time

Inside, take a break from the lie you live

I came this far erase my scars

10 years Layne -Rest in Peace

Wake up young man, it's time to wake up

Your love affair has got to go

For 10 long years, for 10 long years

The leaves to rake up

Slow suicide's no way to go, oh

Blue, clouded grey

You're not a crack up

Dizzy and weakened by the haze

Moving onward

So an infection not a phase

Yeah, oh

The cracks and lines from where you gave up

They make an easy man to read, oh

For all the times you let them bleed you

For a little peace from God you plead, and beg

For a little peace from God you plead

Ahhaahh, Yeah, Ahhaahh, Yeah, Ahhaahh, Yeah

Wake up young man, wake up, wake up

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up

Oh, yeah

Wake up young man, it's time to wake up

Your love affair has got to go, yeah

For 10 long years, for 10 long years,

The leaves to rake up

Slow suicide's no way to go, oh

Slow suicide's no way to go

Wake up, wake up, wake up

Wake up, wake up, wake up

the music moves me

fuck, i have some realization to do today

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards
Synapse slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's stitching up the circuitboard

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards
Synapse slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's stitching up the circuitboard
Synapse slipping through the hidden door

you know you made my eyes burn

Blue jeans, White shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like James Dean, for sure
You so fresh to death & sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you till the end of time

Big dreams, gangster
Said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like: "no please, stay here,"
We don't need no money we can make it all work
But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come home Monday
I stayed up waitin', anticipatin' and pacin' but he was
Chasing paper
"Caught up in the game" that was the last I heard

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you till the end of time

You went out every night
And baby that's alright
I told you that no matter what you did I'd be by your side
Cause Ima ride or die
Whether you fail or fly
Well shit, at least you tried.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died
I told you I wanted more-but that not what I had in mind
I just want it like before
We were dancin' all night
Then they took you away- stole you out of my life
You just need to remember....

Will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that your mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you till the end of time

i need to.. but i dont want to.... let u go

Someone sang your name today
and a stranger saw me crumble
Hold my broken heart and shell away
begging "bury me beside you"

The devil popped around today
selling promises and potions
that could take our memory away
help forget I'd ever met you

Tell me... can you please take away the misery?
Give me a baker's dozen please,
wrap me up to go away

But I want to
I need to
forget you
Don't want to, but I need to let you go

The devil bent my ear today
about his magical elixer
That would make the sorrow go away,
help me forget I'd ever met you

Give me
a baker's dozen please,
wrap me up to go away

I want to
I need to
forget you
Don't want to, but I need to let you go

science

Make you up, take you out
Play it up to bring you down
Take the time to make this last

Spin the wheel, watch it crash
Turn the dress to broken glass
Strike a pose and hold the flash

I'm not the only one who's bleeding
Before the past is done repeating
Gets underneath my skin, it won't die
This time if I can't win

Then I won't try to carry on
I'll play it satirical
Tonight won't be so long
I'll pray for a miracle

Wake you up, pull you out
Talk you up to calm you down
Turn it up and scream and shout

Make you tired, wear you out
Shut you up and turn you off
Clean you up and take you home

I'm not the only one who's bleeding
Before the past is done repeating
Gets underneath my skin, it won't die
This time if I can't win

Then I won't try to carry on
I'll play it satirical
Tonight won't be so long
I'll pray for a miracle

to die for

Tighten your tie, boy
You're something to die for
But don't hold your breath now
You're just killing time
Tonight you can dream, boy
Imagine a whisper
If you can keep secrets
Then I'll tell you mine

Remember a promise you couldn't hold on to
Though it brings me to tears now
I need you to know
Look in my eyes, boy
Nothing like yours now
It seems that a lifetime
Is passing us by

So open your eyes...

This is forever but it won't last long
This is a memory that fades away in never ending
In the death of all
That's long been said and done before
We'll wish that we were something more

Stop wasting time, boy
You're late all your life, boy
They won't have the patience
For someone like you
Your memory's fading
I'll love you forever
I'll try to remember
I'll try to hold on

You're standing alone, boy
Waiting for dreams, boy
Waiting for something
To make them come true
Don't ever leave, boy
I'd miss you too much, boy
I'll never forget you
As long as I'm here

no... not this time

just know you shine brighter.. than anyone

random goodies

pagan poetry

Pedalling through
The dark currents
I find
An accurate copy
A blueprint
Of the pleasure
In me

Swirling black lilies totally ripe
A secret code carved
Swirling black lilies totally ripe
A secret code carved

He offers
A handshake
Crooked
Five fingers
They form a pattern
Yet to be matched

On the surface simplicity
But the darkest pit in me
It's pagan poetry
Pagan poetry

Morsecoding signals (signals)
They pulsate (wake me up) and wake me up
(pulsate) from my hibernating

On the surface simplicity
Swirling black lilies totally ripe
But the darkest pit in me
It's pagan poetry
Swirling black lilies totally ripe
Pagan poetry

Swirling black lilies totally ripe

I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him
I love him, I love him
She loves him, she loves him

This time
She loves him, she loves him
I'm gonna keep it to myself
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
This time
I'm gonna keep me all to myself
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hand myself over
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hand myself over

But it was like to stop consuming is to stop being human

tattoooed thighssss

just set up 2 tattoo appointments.... one to get my right thigh finally finished in April... 

and the other appointment to get my new thigh piece in May at INKFEST convention... . i am so excited .. 

Adam just wrote me and described my new thigh piece to me.. ......and I just have one thing to say....... I am fucking speechless... :)
my twin sis has me in the tattoo mood for 2012.... so there you have it :) fill the need.

http://www.inkfestlive.com/

hair grows!

check it..

a little over  a year ago when i got that dead shit cut off..... and started the process of removing the black....

 and now..... long and reddish brown.. all that black ends shit cut off.... with about 4 cuts in-between that 1 year

i love watching hair grow.. its fucking fascinating to me... the human body is awesome  :-D

might as well face it

treated myself today with 2 treats

went to see the Woman in Black again... ugh it was even cooler the second time around... noticed more creepiness and fucking  just adore Dan Radcliffe.. gulp.

came home and watched a bunch of scary movies since the boys are spending the night at grammas :)
then made fucking amazing french toast that was the bomb ... i cant even remember the last time i hadddddd french toast.... over 2 years ago or so... ugh soo good....
2 treats.... Daniel and French toast... mmm great sunday :)

here's some pics from today

holy man

this video makes me very sad.... but very happy that Shannon's little girl has all these home videos he made for her to remember him in his life.... 

<3

someday.... i'll fall

sat. the 18th

the beauty of an extra eye

blood on the moon

dan's acting secrets

..to whisper in your ear.

frogs breath

spent another day with my son who is home sick..... we made "frogs breath soup"
& watched Tim Burton movies all day.... hes feeling much better so this makes me happy.
Must of been the soup :)

been working on soo much different stuff.... feeling in the creative mood...
This weather has been fantastic and it helps with the windows open.... good vibes... good energies..
:)
ready to finish kicking this days ass
enjoying the innocence of my children .. since well... that's all about to change this month! CRIES!

NO SEX

seriously.. wanna hear the scariest thing  I have ever heard in my life.... the thought of it sickens me.....

My son is learning sex ed next week in school.... just got a letter asking If I wanted to come view the video they are going to show to them before hand....... I am fucking terrified... his innocence will be gone and this is so frightening that I almost cant breathe thinking about it... NOOOOOOOOOOOO! He is tooo young to know.... :( cries.. cries... cries!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lego ripped chest

I hope Tristan can make me one of these..

..... bc his mama wants one <3

a better compliment

jiggly

getting rid of my jiggly under arm fat...
one weight at a time.... :-))))))))

"it" is almost all the way gone :-D

dance.

missing you...

... ugh.. found a bunch of old photos with friends.... made me really sad.....
not long ago.. but feels forever ago...... ... made me real sad.
i dont have times like these anymore..... i wonder if i ever will again?

holy weather batman.

aw... I am bummed bc my son Tristan woke up several times in the middle of the night complaining that he did not feel good... of course this morning I took his temp and it was at 101.... :( poor kiddo...

so Today is spent inside with my son Tris.... baking fresh home-made apple bran muffins

But I have to indulge in this weather ...so I am off to take my bike for a nice ride around the block.... :)
<3 .... I cant pass up weather like this... I just cant.. I need my cardio- Cardio is my favorite workout of them all.....

I cant even believe in short months I will be taking Sirena out in this weather day and night.... she sits by the window staring outside dying to go play in it...

of course I take her out as much as I can but lately its been freezing and snowy. I cant wait til she gets her first real taste of summer ....and frozen yogurt. :)

waiting for my cemetery boy....

to invite me in his coffin.....  death do us part
forever sleeping... forever dying.

she's the apple of my eye

holes in happiness

Look

Listen

bloody valentine

without you

fake

fake...fake.. fake.. fake, fake..... fake... and fake.

its the 5th of may every day.

Come on down
to my part of town
where the bullets light up the sky
it's the fifth of May every day
no one averts their eyes
or we could go
to the country
find a willow tree
lay down and whisper to it's roots
"won't you take my sorrow from me"

you can come with me
but I don't suggest you stay
I have a habit of leaving damage in my wake
I was born on a new moon
it dictates that fate
cuz if my highs don't get you
my lows will
guaranteed

I can talk to the Angels
And Listen to the stones
Storm winds know me best now
only with them
am I at home
I'm serenaded by the Oceans
and Looked after by the roads
The blood in my veins is older
than anything you've ever known

YOu can come with me
but i don't suggest you stay
I have a habit of leaving damage
in my wake
I was born on a new moon
Dictates that fate
If my highs don't get you
My lows will
guaranteed

you're right
I'm a whole different species
You're right
I'm not from here
but that's probably
why you like me
you like a little fear
but I'm golden hearted Baby
Born Lived and will die free
You're just in love with Romance
Only with the idea
of me

You can come with me
but I don't suggest you stay
I have a habit of leaving damage
in my wake
I was born on a new moon
dictates my fate
if My highs don't get you
my lows will guaranteed

I'm a different thing baby
not what you need....
I'm a different thing Baby
Not what you need.....

spread my wings and fly away

:) (:

an apple a day

or two or 3 or four.. or 5.

Dan, Be my Valentine

oh my god. look at what my gorgeous friend Sylvia sent me!!!!!!

I was screaming out loud from excitement.. I have never seen this photo of Dan before!!!

:) so cute..... so freaking bloody fantastic.

the woman in black

Ok ... .if you have seen the preview... or not  for  The Woman in Black.......staring my favorite ever Daniel fucking Harry Potter Radcliffe.........I just have to say one thing.... THIS MOVIE WAS FUCKING AMAZING....

.....Seriously, I want to go see it a couple more times in the theater again while its playing bc I LOVE seeing movies there... the sound, picture... experience is always better to me than sitting at home... .so yep.. gonnna pay to see it at least 2 more times.... :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The actors.... the plot....the words from their mouths...... the sets.... OMFG the sets were BEAUTIFUL...... ... it never got boring to me... and it was never cheesy at all..... I sometimes watch movies with the same actors branching into different parts and sometimes actors have one way of acting and .... that its just boring to me, if you act movie after movie and you are the same character every movie..... dude it sucks for u..... .but I didnt watch "The Woman in Black..." once and say "OMFG ITS HARRY POTTER!".... Daniel is going to do so much with acting,, ugh hes fucking brilliant........ Hes done plays and other parts since his main role Harry Potter and it proves he can do so much more..  .Daniel fucking rules and is a wonderful actor... dude is going to go far and I cant wait to see all his roles bc  hes very versatile... I'll be honest I was worried thinking about Harry Potter ....in a scary movie....?..... I didnt think it was going to be THIS good.... ...was worried I would leave and be like good... but "boringgggggg"....
Not even the case...... he did awesome....sooo awesome...


Go see this movie... I dont go out and see movies  bc I dont see anything that interests me anymore.... of course when I seen the preview for this I had high hopes and it was fucking everything I hoped for....
I fucking LOVE ghost movies... .anything about supernatural... this was awesome.... everything from beg. to end was amazing...... the story was so sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk and macabre it was actually even better than what i expected and the preview does not give away the actual story which is cool bc when I went with my friend Sylvia  (who i fucking love <3 we had so much fun)  there was people gasping at some of the parts.... lots of this shit they dont show in movies anymore.. dude..... creepy.. just creeeeeeeeeeeeeepy when it involves little kids- to me... dude so fucked up ahhahahha!


I screamed a couple times and squinted my eyes .....
The way the movie was shot was fucking beautiful..... A+ .. the visual was amazing... every close up and the way they shot to scare you fucking worked... i jumped like 3 times.......the "rocking chair" part they show in the preview above.... .DUDE fucking CHILLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.


go see it.......
A++++++++++++++++++++ .. .going to see it again this weekend in diff seats for a diff experience.
... cant wait
I love  a GOOD ghost story.... this is deft a MUST SEE ghost story... you will NOT be disappointed.



Daniel Radcliffe... MARRY ME!

oh no.. not Whitney :(

I will say... that this saddens me very much. .Man o Man,. .... the memories from my childhood with Whitney Houston were amazing....... my twin sister Michelle and I would make countless home videos dancing and singing to her beautiful songs... she was our girl back in the day.......

Our Mother took just me and Michelle to see Whitney Houston live in concert in the 90's and it was amazing.. we had great seats and she sounded and looked soo beautiful... it was  a great memory I will always cherish with my Mother and my twin sister......

very sad day....... what a loss....
Whitney was a strong and beautiful woman.... I hope she is at peace..... I will listen to her music today and go back to a time in my life with my twin sister and the memories are beautiful.....
May you be at peace -sweet Whitney Houston

i love my pupppppy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sleeping with my baby girl Sirena <3 <3 I love her so much

fuckkkk off.

dudeeee.... there is one fuckin pet peeve i just realllllllllllllly cant stand... oooooh it fucking errkkkks me like NO OTHER

Dude, learn to SPELL!!!!!!!!!!!

...... learn to fucking spell on your facebookkkkk or your fuckinggggggggggggggggggg website.... I dont give a shit about proper fucking commmmas and periods and bullshit like that- i never have time for that shit anyways- I type like I talk.. no joke - and thats how I read it..... but really you fucking idiots......................................... LEARN TO SPELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... or install a fucking SPELLCHECKER on your computer MORON whorebagggggggg.

florence

yes.

yoga is my favorite fucking time of the day.............................best....ever.

we belong dead

day of doom

eleven.

Thursday

9+2=11

 

The pain is evident in my existence

spybook / fakebook

FACEBOOK + YOU

If you are not paying for it..... You are not the customer.. You are the PRODUCT being sold.

_______________________________________

If you are still  partake in the current fad that is Facebook....
Make sure you add some knowledge to your likes instead of nonsense  that doesn't do shit for our economy or at making any sort of difference for YOU + OUR CHILDREN for the Future of our World.........
 For some real constant knowledge on what is going on with our Planet .... our Government and its spies watching you at everything you do...-This was one of the ONLY facebook pages that I actually enjoyed spending hours from my days reading..... real knowledge instead of nonsense.... check out this page


Exposing the Truth

https://www.facebook.com/ExposingTheTruth

   check out this link    <------------to read more about how Facebook can STILL track everything you do even when you sign off........ its bullshit...

I am not even sitting here saying that they are not watching me right now on blogger. ...its everywhere...
.... but I am going to be very strict about what I post online... I want to do something with my PHYSICAL BEING... Me.. .not just what I say and post online... I am tired of the same thing day in and day out.. year after year.... and I want MORE to show for......  which started with stepping away from the fads.... I hope some of my friends I have made during my facebook stay.... even myspace - will venture with me.

The  Exposing the Truth fan page was about  85% of the reason I left facebook........ + that piece of shit TIMELINE  and + mixxed feelings about people + things going on in my life and it ='s  full 100% reason I stepped away from facebook for good.
The things I spend time reading on the computer do not make me feel safe  on the internet...

After all the years of blogging and consistently spending time on the internet, I have opened my eyes
Now..... my children are older and understand so much about what goes on in the world.....
They live everyday in the fight for a better place b/c that is so important to stand up for your feelings and your beliefs........ in a world filled with bigots and Fascism..... we need to be the Change.....and I want change for my boys.

It starts with you... it ends with your children....
How do you want your children to spend their lives??
I can tell you something.. .I hope its NOTHING like what I have had to go thru as a young single Mother.


.... here is some more knowledge for you, May it find you well.

http://exposingthetruth.info

FOLLOW THE RABBIT

          

Luna glide down from the moon

this body holding me.....

I am stunned by the transformation of my body.........................
I just did a 4 mile walk in 28 degrees weather...
The transformation is real. .... and its a journey that I will not regret... like I have in the past...
everyday...

the path to enlightenment and integration.

	Chakra Seven: Sahasrara Thought, Universal identity, oriented to self-knowledge This is the crown chakra that relates to consciousness as pure awareness. It is our connection to the greater world beyond, to a timeless, spaceless place of all-knowing. When developed, this chakra brings us knowledge, wisdom, understanding, spiritual connection, and bliss.
	Chakra Six: Ajna Light, Archetypal identity, oriented to self-reflection This chakra is known as the brow chakra or third eye center. It is related to the act of seeing, both physically and intuitively. As such it opens our psychic faculties and our understanding of archetypal levels. When healthy it allows us to see clearly, in effect, letting us “see the big picture.”
	Chakra Five: Vishuddha Sound, Creative identity, oriented to self-expression This is the chakra located in the throat and is thus related to communication and creativity. Here we experience the world symbolically through vibration, such as the vibration of sound representing language.
	Chakra Four: Anahata Air, Social identity, oriented to self-acceptance This chakra is called the heart chakra and is the middle chakra in a system of seven. It is related to love and is the integrator of opposites in the psyche: mind and body, male and female, persona and shadow, ego and unity. A healthy fourth chakra allows us to love deeply, feel compassion, have a deep sense of peace and centeredness.
	Chakra Three: Manipura Fire, Ego identity, oriented to self-definition This chakra is known as the power chakra, located in the solar plexus. It rules our personal power, will, and autonomy, as well as our metabolism. When healthy, this chakra brings us energy, effectiveness, spontaneity, and non-dominating power.
	Chakra Two: Svadhisthana Water, Emotional identity, oriented to self-gratification The second chakra, located in the abdomen, lower back, and sexual organs, is related to the element water, and to emotions and sexuality. It connects us to others through feeling, desire, sensation, and movement. Ideally this chakra brings us fluidity and grace, depth of feeling, sexual fulfillment, and the ability to accept change.
	Chakra One: Muladhara Earth, Physical identity, oriented to self-preservation Located at the base of the spine, this chakra forms our foundation. It represents the element earth, and is therefore related to our survival instincts, and to our sense of grounding and connection to our bodies and the physical plane. Ideally this chakra brings us health, prosperity, security, and dynamic presence.